A return to self-therapy

Its been a while. A while in which my will has been whittled to within a whisper of a wishbone........what? The definition of annoyance/irony/frustration; you have access to everything you could possibly imagine, but, there is 1 thing you can't get, and that just so happens to be the one thing you crave at that particular time. Let me pose a hypothetical situation as an example. You are a member of a very 'trendy' online social-networking site. You've left a number of questions/answers/posts for various people. Its been a while since you last signed in. You go online, head straight to Ooooogle and try to find your online home.............but there seems to be an error!?? You check Youtube........strange, it works just fine. Back to 'home' for another go, no, denied again. So you check Skysports/IMDB/Btjunkie/Pornhub/Empire/Blogger..........they all work fine.Fuck. What the hell am i supposed to do. This is hell........................man's mayo on my burger.

Susan Boyle Sideshow

Susan Boyle. What to say. She must feel so happy; appearances on top tv shows, plenty of cash in her bank account and world-wide fame. Everybody loves Susan Boyle. Why? Because she has a great singing voice...........and...........and she looks like the deformed offspring of a wild boar that mated with a down-syndrome sufferer.
This 'Boyle-fiasco' really is the bottom of the barrel, the reality tv/15 second fame barrel that is. It just shows how condescending, arrogant and horrible people really are. I'm not attacking Susan Boyle here, i'm attacking everyone that has praised her. This just shows how disgraceful the public is. It is the epitome of 'judging a book by its cover'. People looked a Susan Boyle and thought; ''Ugly, fat and middle-aged. She must be untalented and worthless''. Then Simon Cowell fucks her up on a stage and she sings very well. WOW!!! This ugly creature is actually a 'real' person with a 'real' talent. These people make me fucking sick. It just shows how soul-less modern, western culture is. The beautiful are the best, fuck the rest. Thats the modern catchphrase. Susan Boyle is a circus freak, a freak that the entertainment industry has decided to capitalise on. And the retarded, braindead public are once again lapping it up. I'm sooo proud to be part of this culture.

You're depressed, lonely drug-dealer.

3 of 5 exams finished. 2 of 3 exams attempted. 1 of 3 expelled from. Apparently its a ''breach of exam regulations to have a phone on your persons'', cunts. I was asked to leave my first exam, it wasn't too much of a disaster though, i hadn't a clue what was going on in the thing anyway. The other two were hit n miss, i'd be surprised if i passed them, hopefully i have accumulated enough marks in continuous assessment to allow me a bare pass. So i have 2 left. The first coming two days from now. These exams are for a subject i'm repeating, so you'd expect me to have a decent chance of passing them..........not at all. My subconscience must have been saying the same thing all year because i haven't seen that class in months. Still haven't looked at the past exam papers so i've got a lot of work to do over the next few (2) days. This college year has been a fucking disaster. We've been kicked out of 1 house, got robbed of money from another and did a runner from another one. Also, i've broke my ankle and have missed months of college. Add to that the fact that i've payed close to 10 grand of my own money to do this year, it really has been a bastard of a year. Yet, i'm not sure if i want summer to come. A lot of my mates are heading off to San Diego, i'm stuck in Rainland and i've no prospects of getting any work. So i'll be wet, alone and unemployed............fuck. I'm considering another trip down drug-dealer lane to make a bit of cash this summer. Either that or........i could........theres a chance.........no, i don't think i've any other options. You wanna buy some crack???

Something feels very familiar......

Just recently realised that i have an account on the College Humor website. I found this out because my level of internet activity has greatly increased of late. I wonder why that is? I had a look at this account and found out that it had be almost a year to the very day, since i had last used this particular account. What was i doing a year ago................aaahhh yes, exams. Suddenly i'm hit with a sense of deja vu, a strong feeling of familiarity. I'm also hit with the thoughts of failed progression. 'Shouldn't i be in 2nd year of college now?', yes i should be. Instead i'm repeating the entire year. Instead of doing some WELL needed study i'm trawling the internet as frequently as an Interpol agent looking for child porn. Deja-fucking-vu. I'm repeating the exact same mistakes that i made last year. The worst thing is; I'm aware of this and i'm doing fuck all about it. My first exam is on the 13th of May, 5 days from now, and i couldn't even attempt 1 single question on the paper.............what a waste of oxygen i am.

To study, or not to study........that is the problem.

Chow. Its nearly half one on a Monday and i'm still in bed. There is nothing strange about this really, the last few months have been reduced to a few weeks due to my inability to get up. I go to bed at around 1-ish and don't get out of my dungeon until i can smell the dinner cooking downstairs. My college exams start in about 3-4 weeks(i'm not sure what date it is today so i can't be sure). My original plan was to begin some intensive study two months before the exams, that would have been just enough time to memorise the knowledge needed for a pass. Now i've only half that time, i'm in serious trouble. I'm aware that everyone panics on the lead up to exams, but, i don't. I've never worried. This is the closest i've come to being worried. The reason for this strange new feeling is the little fact that i'm repeating first year in college. I was as lethargic and un-motivated last year as i am this year. That gained me a big fat fail. So in order to do it all again i've had to dish out over 5000 euros of my own money. This is probably the only reason i'm worried about failing again. Like, if i never had to pay for college, i'd probably never leave it. Actually, there is no probably about it, i definately would not leave college if possible. So we've got to the root of my problem; i'm a useless, lazy, piece of shit, college student. But, in order to save myself from wasting 5G's I think i'm gonna try to start my study..........tomorrow.

I'm back

Have not been on this little fellow in a while. I've been doing nothing but recover from my ankle break. The cast is off now, still can't walk though. But, i'm happy, sort of. The sun is shining, summer is getting close. Although i'm gonna fail college i couldn't give a shit, fuck it. Everybody is going on the dole nowadays, so why shouldn't i? I've discovered my love for Youtube over the last few weeks. Its a great place to go look for an arguement. Just pick a video that annoys you, post audacious comments, sit back and watch the abuse rool in. Beautiful sight!

Blogger?

What is Blogger? Or Blogspot as it happens? Are they a social networking tool, a genuine insight into the minds of people worldwide or simply an endless library of insignificant, pointless and, ultimately unread dribble from the minds of equally insignificant people? Sorry if my last comparison has offended any of you. However, remember that i'm also included in that category.
I would love to know how many people are on this site, how many people post their thoughts, some of them quite intimate. I guess its kind of a form of therapy. You log in, type your mind, shout your aggrevations, praise your interests and log out, cleansed of mind. My reasons are both the latter and extreme boredom. As a college student(repeating a year) i have too much time on my hands. As an unemployed college student, i have even more time on my hands. Free time equals thinking. And not thinking as in trying to solve an equation, thinking, as in philosophy, deep thought, the altogether bad form of thought. The kind that makes you question your beliefs, and not just religious beliefs, all forms. Like; i love toast.......why do i love toast?........its rough, tasteless.......actually.........i hate toast. The most pointless things can become a major mind-boggler. All because i've too much free time. So to combat this i can log onto Blogger, write my stupidity onto the parchment that is the world-wide-web and log-out, knowing that i have relinquished all thoughts to a machine. And it feels good.
But if i could ask one thing, it would be that someone else actually reads my ridiculous rhetoric. Even if they completely disagree with my opinions it doesn't matter. Being aware that someone is reading your thoughts adds to the therapy aspect of the blog, it eases your mind. But, maybe i'm reading too much ito the whole thing, maybe i'm just a strange fish, in need of a hug and a cup of tea. And maybe noone will read this............but who cares.